The Common Series: A New Age/River's Wedding Day
Script Regeneration Doctor: Save me Clara! At 1,234,5 years old, I'm too young to die! Clara: I don't know how to fly the TARDIS though! The TARDIS crashes in a church. Doctor: I hope nobody expects me to save the day here! Jack Harkness suddenly appears. Jack: Come on, Doctor! The wedding is in ten minutes. Clara: Whaaaaa???? Jack: You're Flower Girl Clara. Come on! Doctor: Sorry, who's getting married to who? Jack: You mean you don't know? Doctor: Have no idea. Jack: You are getting married to Professer Song, Doctor! Hello Sweetie The Doctor, Clara and Jack walk into the chruch. Jack looks at Clara. Jack: Captain Jack Harkness. And who's the name of this looker? Clara: Clara Oswald. Jack: I can tell who's wedding we're going to next! The organ starts and the Doctor sees Rory Pond walking down the aisle with River. The Doctor then sees Vastra, Jenny, Strax, Amy Pond, Rose Tyler, Jackie Tyler, Mickey Smith, Martha Jones, Donna Noble, Susan, John, Gillian, Alex, Jenny, Rassilon, Brian Pond, Anthony Pond and Amy's parents as the guests as well as River's archologist team. Vicar: We are gathered here today to see the wedding of the happy couple consisting of River Song and err... the Doctor. Half an hour later... Vicar: If anyone objects to this marriage, let them speak now or forever hold their regret over the couple's wedding. Nobody objects. Doctor: Do I take you, River Song as my lawful wedded wife? River: You do. Do I take you, the Doctor as my lawful wedded husband? Doctor: You do. Vicar: Then I declare this couple man and wife! The Doctor and River start to kiss but they fade away. The Doctor Doctor: River? Clara? Jack? Clara: I'm here. Jack: So am I, looker! Clara: I can say weddings here are a bit diffrent. Jack: You could have one just like it, very soon! Doctor: Isn't the time. Jack: Let's find River and go home. The Doctor stands up and trys to go out of the room and is electracuted. Doctor: Ooh! That hurt! The Doctor then fiants. Clara: Well, Jack, just you and me then! Jack: We find River and then we can get buisy in that cupboard. Clara giggles. Clara: Seriously though. We're confined to this room and the Doctor has just fainted. Jack: There must be someway out. Clara: Search the walls there must be a hole or something... Jack: I've found a crack! Clara stares at it, it's a crack in time. Clara: That's a crack in time, must be some way to connect to the Time Lords. Jack: CLLAARRAA!!!! The Time Lords are frozen, they're meant to be frozen! Clara: OK. Jack: Come on think! I know. I can use my sonic motavaiter to open a hole in the wall. Clara: Go on then! Jack uses his sonic motavaiter. Jack: Good good good!!!!! Clara gets her top half out while Jack pushes the rear. Clara: Almost there! Jack: Yes. Nearly. Jack gets Clara out and then comes through naked. Clara: Jack! This really isn't the time. Put your clothes back on! Jack: I am wearing them. This is a Dream Wedding, I'm a hologram. Clara: Very well. Jack: The church is on a cloud. Step off and you fall into the Vortex. Clara: Time Vortex? Jack: No. The Vortex! A Vortex of white clouds and thin air and just white! Clara: OK. Jack: Wait! My sonic motavaiter is gliching. Something's wrong! Clara: What? What? Jack: It's tracks are stuck on the TARDIS. We just need a bigger source of power and we can land it! Clara: Come on! Power, power, power! Jack: That elecricity line, we can hook it up to the sonic! Clara: What is a sonic motavaiter? Jack: Made it myslef. It can detect alien ships, detect radioactivity, detect very avaliable ladies! Oh, big beep on you! Clara: I'll untie my shoe lace to tie the two! Clara takes off her left shoelace and Jack hooks it up through the church. Jack: Bigger source power coming from the TARDIS. The TARDIS lands on the Vortex, hovering in mid air. Jack: We'll have to jump. Leave the sonic, Clara! Jack takes Clara's hand and they jump. Clara: Phew! That was close! But I do get a feeling something bad will happen. The TARDIS falls down into the Vortex. Clara: Oh. The TARDIS crashes on the Vortex floor. River is on the Vortex floor as well. River River: There you are! Where's the Doctor? Jack: He's still in the church. He's fianted. River: I'm trying to decode this message. GNIEMOC ERA YEHT it is. Jack: Wait! That says they are coming. But backwards! River: It also says something else. YERFILLAG. Jack: That's Gallifrey. River: How did you know that? Jack: You see, that was just the iron code. Everything's backwards. Everyone at Torchwood are iron trained. River: Is there any way of getting out from here? Jack: I can use my charged and spare sonic motavaiter to mentally link to the TARDIS. River: Go on then. Jack tries but it won't work. Clara: What? What? What? Jack: Something in the Vortex is wrong. Alien. The sonic's tracks are fixed on it but not on the TARDIS, nor the Doctor. Clara: Oh. River: We could send a message to the Doctor to wake him up. That will wake up the TARDIS. Clara: But what message? River re-assembles the code messages to be decoded and then, she controls them with her hand. Jack: How did you do that? River: Spoilers sweetie! Jack: I thought the Doctor was your husband now! River: He is but you'll always be my ex-boyfriend! Jack: Indeed. River: Is Clara your woman now? Jack: Yep. She passed the Jack test. Clara: Um, we need to get back to business! Jack: Of course, course! The Doctor wakes up. Doctor: They are coming! Gallifrey! The Doctor sees the TARDIS behind him. Doctor: TARDIS! Clara, Jack, I'm coming! And River, sweetheart, your husband's coming! The TARDIS lands in the Vortex. Clara: Yay! He's here! A creature flys over. Creature: I am Maxcomauryspillmilesarious but you can call me Max for short! Doctor: Well Max, you can buzz off! You made a puzzle on easy mode! I was born minutes ago. Now me and Luke Smith are the only ones who can save the world! Max: What? Even if you do defeat me, you will only be saving yoursleves! Doctor: Well, I'm going to reveal it because you can't stop it! I've set the TARDIS coordinates to make every couple in the universe kiss! The Doctor and River start kissing, as do Clara and Jack. We see Earth with every couple kissing. Max: Having everyone kiss won't stop me! Doctor: Correct! Clara throws a big box of choclates, shaped as a heart, River throws her boquet and flowers and Jack throws his sonic motavaiter, on love setting at him. Doctor: Come on! More love! Everyone kisses harder. The Doctor throws Valentine's hearts and little teddies and soft toys. Max starts melting. Max: You can't do this to me! Noooooooooo! Max melts and turns back into an egg. Doctor: Anyone fancy Max eggs for dinner? River: Me! Jack: And me! Clara: Save some for me! Everyone runs into the TARDIS! Jack: So Doctor, where are you taking River for the honeymoon? Doctor: I don't know? Gaplex maybe? No, World War 2 has more sights. Anicent Rome possibly? Vortis yes, Vortis! No, Venice in 2014! The End. Category:Stories featuring the Twelfth Doctor Category:Stories featuring Jack Harkness Category:Stories featuring Clara Oswald Category:Stories featuring River Song